youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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