Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize