you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
