you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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