dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize