I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
