So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
