the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
