New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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