You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
