my mouth tastes like poor choices
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
