The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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