I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need a beard to bite.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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