Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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