I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
