I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
