cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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