Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Boobs are out for the taking
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
