i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
