Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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