He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
