i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
