never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just high enough for therapy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
is it fun? or sober?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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