ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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