I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
