Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
