I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
