you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This baby is an asshole
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
