the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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