How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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