Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
