I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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