Say something about gay babies.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
