Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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