matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
