and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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