i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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