Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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