Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize