Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
