First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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