hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I CAN MOONWALK!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
