i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
