Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
