gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
