Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
