I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
