Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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