The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
