so that wasnt chicken after all
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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