this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
