If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
