I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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