i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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