break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
