you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
