I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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