Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
