I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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