so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
