I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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