I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
