Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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