I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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