Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
