i need an iv and a liver transplant
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
