They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
