I'm lost and stupid without you.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
