fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Pappa wants mamma naked
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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