I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
