can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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