cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
so much tequila, so little girl.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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