but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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